The Sun And The Moon
by PersephonesNauticalNun
Summary: Sequel to In The Sun. Ashley's out of rehab and Spencer's in Ohio.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes**

_Alright, so it looks like I'm back from my writing hiatus. No promises on how frequent this bad boy's going to be updated, but at least I've finally gotten to writing it, eh? Haha, I said "eh." I feel so very Canadian. This is the sequel to In The Sun. If you haven't read that, I highly suggest you go do so, because this won't make any kind of sense if you don't._

_**Disclaimer: **I own none of the characters from South Of Nowhere. They belong to Tom Lynch._

**The Sun And The Moon**

**Chapter 1**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Ashley -

I watched the clouds billow and roll around the aircraft as my breath fogged the window. I had absolutely no idea what I was thinking when I decided a trip across the country was in order. I was a fool thinking this could work, much less that I had a right to do this in the first place. I wasn't allowed here. I wasn't allowed where I was going.

I belonged in L.A.

I belonged in that clinic.

That's not true. At least not anymore. Not according to all those licensed specialists I spoke to. My peers disagreed, though. My peers knew the truth. They knew that nothing had changed, and I was still the lowly scum I've always been, not fit to walk this earth. On top of that, they also knew that I was a spoiled brat, using my wealth as a crutch. Correction - my mother's wealth. While the rest of them had real problems, and real issues, mine were completely made up and self-imposed. I didn't have children to look out for. I didn't have a harsh reality that I needed an escape from. I had no reason for losing grip on reality. I had no reason for falling into the dark pit I had fallen into.

I had no excuse.

Spencer... it was hard even thinking her name. It was hard to remember the name, and know exactly what I had done to her. She had an excuse. I did it. It was all my fault. I should have protected her better. I should have...

I shook my head in an attempt to clear those thoughts from my head. Tho guilt was what almost kept me in the clinic. They had been afraid I was going to do something irrational once I got out of there. I guess they were right. Jumping on a plan at first chance is pretty irrational. But, I think they were more afraid of the self-mutilation irrationality. I had thought about it, but as much as I hate to admit it, I was too vain to follow through.

It's times like these, though, that I'm absolutely sure they made a mistake. My files must have gotten mixed up with someone else's. I can't possibly be sane and healthy. A saner person would have made a phone call. A saner person would not be flying middle America, where she probably wasn't even wanted.

I am not this sane person.

Maybe I'm just trying to face my fear and guilt head on, instead of with babysteps. Maybe I think if I go there, she won't be able to run from me. I remember getting out of the clinic and going to Kelly, asking about her whereabouts.

"I think she's gone back to Ohio."

Of course. Stupid me. Where else would she go? School's out, she had nowhere to stay, she was living on campus. Kelly and I were L.A. natives, so we had places we could crash, but she had no such luxury.

I scoff at myself, and my train of thought. I've only been able to think her name once during this entire plane ride. Jesus Christ, I'm pathetic.

I resign myself to my poor choices, made in haste, as the bulky man beside me snores loudly. He probably has the right idea. I should get some sleep. I won't have anywhere to sleep when I land, and I'm sure jetlag will catch up with me eventually. As best I can, I settle into my seat, and fall into a fitful sleep.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Spencer -

I couldn't go cold turkey, but it's not for the same reason most cokeheads can't. I couldn't go cold turkey, because hiding the withdrawl symptoms from my mother was next to impossible. The first few weeks I was home, I avoided my mother like the plague, afraid she was going to notice something I didn't want her too, like the shaking, or the unexplainable pains. She had already gone on and on about how much weight I lost, and was afraid L.A. wasn't a healthy place for me to be.

Of all the people to notice something wrong with me, it was Glen that helped me out. One night he came into my room, asking why I seemed so standoffish from the rest of the family. He in no way approved of what I had done, but he understood what I was going through, and admitted that my fears were not unfounded. Without some coke in my system, it was only a matter of time before our mother figured out the truth. It crazy to think she hadn't seen something like this in her years in the medical field.

So, the entire family was surprised as Glen and I started hanging out more. We managed to find summer high school parties where he knew some of the people would be carrying. It felt low, I admit, to have to associate with high school kids, but I was out of options. He didn't like it much, either, preferring to go to college level parties, considering there was a junior college not far from home. Our area was swarming with college kids, and I'm sure he would have had no problem fitting in with them. Unfortunately, he didn't want to be known amongst his own kind as the kid who searched for coke, and I felt bad for taking him away from where he wanted to be.

I owe my brother so much.

Each time I met up with these kids I would do a little less, effectively weening myself off of the shit. About a month into summer vacation, I was clean. I take that back. I wasn't completely clean. Glen and I would go and get high sometimes, but that was the extent of my drug use. A part of me wanted to continue with the coke, because I loved the way it made me feel. It made me feel like a real person, instead of an empty robot following my programming.

But, that life reminded me too much of Ashley.

The name left a bittersweet taste in my mouth. Some days were better than others. Some days I would miss her, and I would wrap my arms around myself and curl onto my bed, trying to imagine she was holding me. Other days I'd get irrationally angry at her for doing that to me. What it was she did to me, I'm not quite sure, but that didn't stop me from havrboring the anger.

Maybe I'm just angry that I haven't heard from her.

I had called Kelly a while back to check on Ashley's recovery. She told me that Ashley had checked herself into a rehab center. At the time, I figured it was only a matter of waiting until I heard from Ashley herself. Surely, if she gets better, she'll want to talk to me.

The phone never rang.

Maybe she was still in rehab. Maybe she was sicker than we thought. Maybe she's so far gone that there's nothing anyone can do to fix her.

Besides, I wasn't all that sure I wanted to talk to her. What would I say? Would I want to get back together? Would I even want to be her friend? I don't know how to answer those questions. I guess we'll see when I go back to school in the fall.

The wind is changing. Something's coming, I can feel it. Something's coming that I'm quite sure I'm not going to like.


	2. Chapter 2

**Review Section**

_free21: The post request has been obliged._

_Fallen Angel-2009: I heart you, too._

_mikachu: It's okay. You should be dreading the reunion._

_ResonanceOfWisdom: Oh, I hope I can live up to your standards._

_PJ4Eva: Yes, they have been through a lot, haven't they. Well, I'm not done punishing them, yet._

_Sammy luvs Mandy: Thank you. And yes, I'm posting more._

_melodic frequency: Well, I hope I haven't kept you waiting TOO long._

**Author's Notes**

_Alright, so I'm being productive this weekend. I highly doubt any of you are going to be angry about that. Here's an update for you. Enjoy._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters from South Of Nowhere. They belong to Tom Lynch. I'm just borrowing them for a while, and not making any kind of profit off of them._

**The Sun And The Moon**

**Chapter 2**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Ashley -

I stood in front of the subtly impressive house as I double checked the address I had copied down from the gas station's phone book. The clerk, a pimply faced, drooling boy, seemed put out by my strange request to borrow a phone book. I figured if I was using their phone book, I might as well buy something, so I bought a pack of Marlboros. Unhealthy habit for me to have picked up, yes, but I felt it was better than other things I could be doing.

Apparently, the name Carlin was common in this one horse town. I vaguely remembered Spencer telling me her father's name was Archie, or something, so I figured I couldn't be too far off if I started with the first one.

After a final drag, I dropped the cigarette dangling from my lips to the ground below, crushing it out with my foot before sliding its remains in my back pocket. I may have transformed into a billowing smokestack, but at least I was a polite one. Far be it for me to impose my habits on the family who lived in this place.

I looked carefully at the two story building, with its lawn cut evenly, and square hedges in front. It looked like a house a doctor woud live in. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Spencer's mom was a doctor. People used to offer her cigarette's, and her answer was always the same. "My mom's a doctor. I know what those can do to me." Yet, somehow, she figured pot and coke were okay. I guess there are some things I'm not meant to understand.

I asked myself again what I was thinking by coming here. What was I expecting to happen? I don't think I thought that far ahead. All I had thought about was that I needed to be here. I didn't even know what I was going to say. Did it really matter? Maybe my act of being here was going to be good enough. Maybe the act itself would convey what I can't seem to, even in my mind.

I had no idea what my point was, but this had to prove something. It just had to.

I shook my head, trying to dislodge the doubts from my mind. The fact was, I was here, in Ohio. Something had to be done about that. I wasn't going to let this trip be in vain. Even if she slammed the door in my face, it was something, and that's all I needed.

I heaved my pack higher on my shoulder and marched up the walk and to the door, fully intent on knocking, but as soon as I got there, I faltered. That damn guilt came back to bite me in the ass. It told me I had no right doing this, and it was probably right.

Fuck the guilt. I'm here, and I'd better do something about it. Mustering up all of my courage, I pressed the little round button beside the door, listening for the chime echoing throughout the house.

I watched as a silhouette grew as it approached the distorted glass panes in the door. It opened to reveal a black boy around my age. I was about to apologize, thinking I had the wrong house, when an ounce of hope seeped into me. A long time ago, I remember her telling me about her adoptive brother, Clay, who just happened to be African American. "Hi, does Spencer Carlin live here?" I asked, surprised at how strong my voice sounded in my ears.

"Yeah," he said with a smile, turning around and yelling her name throughout the house. He turned back to me and invited me in, stepping aside.

I turned down the offer, though, deciding I would only step into this house is she invited me. She was the one that mattered. I appreciated this guy's kindness, though, and gave him the best smile I could form.

I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, and my breath caught in my throat. This was the moment of truth.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Spencer -

I felt it before I knew it. I felt her standing out there, looking up at me, somehow, through the walls. I felt her presence creep closer to the door. I felt her stand there for several long moments. I tried to ignore the prickling sensation in the back of my neck. I tried to ignore what I knew was true, tried to write it off to my imagination. Even when the doorbell rang, I wrote it off as a girl scout trying to sell us cookies. I heard someone below me move to the door and open it. In that instant, my body froze, knowing what was behind the door, but my mind still wasn't buying it.

That all ended when I heard Clay calling me from the front door. I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding and got up from my bed, pausing in front of the mirror to check my appearance. I don't know why I cared. It's not like I did that when we were together. I had always felt comfortable around her, safe in my own beauty without any added baggage.

Then again, was anything real with Ashley?

I don't know what I was expecting as I walked down the stairs. She didn't look much different. Her hair was a bit longer, and she put on some weight. She actually looked like a normal human being, now that the coke was out of her and she was eating. She looked more like the Ashley I had met while trying to figure out my WebCT account in the library.

"Hey," I greeted, fake pleasantries in place for Clay's sake. She saw right through me, I know. I pointed behind her in an attempt to tell her to give me room to step outside and close the door. She obliged, and I was thankful.

Once the door was closed, and Clay was safely away from the door, my arms made their way across my chest in protection. We stood there, staring at each other for a long time. This was a surprise, to say the least. I wasn't sure if I should say something, or wait for her. After realizing that it was her that showed up on my doorstep unannounced I decided that it was up to her to think of something to say. Until then, I would continue to look and wait.

"You look good," she said, a nervous smile playing across her features. It dawned on me that she didn't have a clue what she was doing.

I wasn't up for the pleasantries today. In fact, I probably wouldn't have been up for the pleasantries any day. I just wanted to know what was going on. "What are you doing here?"

I watched her sigh and look away, not feeling at all guilty. "I don't know," she admitted. Her body slumped against the wall behind her, and I still felt no remorse. I suppose this would have been a good opportunity to retreat into the safety of my home, but I knew there was more here, and some morbid curiosity kept me rooted in place. I don't know how long I stood there watching her fight with herself. She'd open her mouth a few times to say something, but nothing came out.

This was getting me nowhere. I reached my hand out for the doorknob, fully intending on leaving her standing out here when she actually spoke. "While I was in rehab, they wanted me to apologize and make amends with everyone I've ever hurt. And I realized... that list is really short. And that hurt me. But, that's not what it was about."

"Ashley, what are you talking about?" I asked, standing straight in front of her, face set. I couldn't bring myself to use the old nickname I used to call her. I couldn't bring myself to call her 'Ash.'

She scoffed, more at herself than anything. She had to realize that she wasn't making any sense. "What I mean is... the only person I hurt," she looked up at me. "Is you." She hung her head again, not willing to keep my gaze for long. "I didn't want to try to apologize while I was in there, though. It would have made a mockery of it. It would have made it seem like I was only doing it because they told me to, and not because I really wanted to. And I couldn't do it over the phone. It would have been cheap."

I wasn't sure what to say to that. Did she really think it was going to be that easy? Did she think that she could just show up here, apologize, and I'd fall back into her arms? That's not what this was about. I knew she never meant to hurt me. This was about me trying to figure out what it was I felt for her in the first place. All the emotions have gotten jumbled up, and nothing makes sense anymore.

I didn't have long to think about that, though. My mother chose that moment to come out and make sure everything was okay. Immediately, I felt my fake smile plaster itself onto my face as I reassured her that everything was fine.

"Who is this?" she asked, looking back and forth between me and the girl who somehow managed to compose herself in the few seconds my mom's been out here.

"I'm Ashley," she said, extending her hand in greeting. It amazed me how she could just return back to being a normal human in front of other people, but I guess I was guilty of it, too.

I watched as realization flashed across my mother's face as she shook Ashley's hand. When the simple greeting was over, she turned to me and asked, "Ashley, the girl you stayed with over Spring Break?"

Mom had been in a huff when Spring Break rolled around and I told her I wasn't coming home. She was very wary of me staying with someone I had just met that semester, but when I called her when school started back off, it was proof that Ashley wasn't going to kill me, and all was forgotten. She hadn't been able to stop asking questions about Ashley since. "Yeah, Mom. It's the same Ashley."

"Oh, it's so good to finally meet you," she bellowed, pulling Ashley in for a crushing hug. This was getting too weird for comfort. "How long are you here for? Where are you staying?" she questioned her.

Ashley regarded her with the same charm she used on all of her teachers every time she skipped class. "I don't know how long I'm here for, and I'm not sure where I'm staying. Are there any decent hotels around?"

"Oh, that just won't do," my mother exclaimed, looking between me and Ashley again. Without another thought, she picked up the pack that had fallen from Ashley's shoulder onto the doorstep and began to make her way inside. "You can stay with us."

What? No. That's not good. Ashley can't stay with us, with me. It'll be too hard. I couldn't exactly explain that to Mom, though, without telling her the entire story. "Wait, Mom. Where is she going to sleep?"

She looked at me as if I had grown a second head. "Don't be ridiculous, Spencer. Your bed's big enough."


	3. Chapter 3

**Review Section**

_Samy luvz Mandy: Oh, things are definitely going to get interesting._

_Sp0rtigirl: Alright, I'll post some more._

_babygirl2006: In all honesty, I'm glad to be back._

_mikachu: I'm still not sure how I feel about Paula._

_free21: You're bound to know my writing well enough by now to know that drama is never far off._

_justlikeyou: Hey, I told you I would eventually._

_Fallen Angel-2009: Paula has no reason NOT to be nice._

_PJ4Eva: You get points for figuring out my plans._

**Author's Notes**

_I am not Christian. I do not pray a lot. I was making it up as I went along. Also note... Paula has no reason not to be nice to Ashley. She doesn't really know anything about her, and thus, we have nice Paula._

_**Disclaimer: **South Of Nowhere characters belong to Tom Lynch. I am using them without permission, and I'm not making any profit off of them. If you're thinking of taking legal action, I'm not sure what you think you're going to get from an unemployed college kid._

_**This chapter is dedicated to Megan, because awkward bedtime is orgasm material.**_

**The Sun And The Moon**

**Chapter 3**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Ashley -

Spencer was kind enough to show me up to her room, but I suppose she didn't really have much choice in the matter. As soon as her mother suggested I stay with them, I could see the disdain on Spencer's face. In fact, I was about to decline the offer, but Mrs. Carlin would have none of that. And, now, on top of everything else, she expects me and Spencer to share a bed.

Can this get any more surreal?

After I got the basic tour, Spencer led me back down to the living room where we sat on the same couch, but pretended we weren't on the same planet. I can't do this. I have to leave. This was stupid, and there's no way I can sit here and play nice like nothing ever happened for as long as Mrs. Carlin wants me here. It's too hard doing it for fifteen minutes.

"You smell like ash." Spencer's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. Did she just initiate conversation with me? Has Hell frozen over?

"Well, I should hope so. I'm still me, after all," I said, misunderstanding her on purpose, hoping the joke would lighten the air a bit.

She wasn't having it, though. "You know what I mean. You smell like ash. Have you been smoking?"

I felt my shoulders slump. Apparently everything I try is doomed to fail. "Yeah, I've been smoking," I admitted, voice flat. I wasn't really looking to get into this.

I heard her snort beside me. I knew she wasn't going to like the answer, but I couldn't very well lie to her. I was trying to make things better, and lying was the best way to ensure awkwardness between us forever. "That's real great, Ashley," she said, her voice laced with sarcasm. "If you're not killing yourself one way, it's another."

Okay, now I was just getting angry. Where did she get off telling me about my self-destructive lifestyle? Did she really think I didn't know? No, Ashley, stop this. You deserve whatever she deals you. You're on her terms, now. Given, she's not happy about the terms, but she's not outright kicking you out. That's a plus, right? Just grin and bear it. Maybe if you're here and relentless, something will change.

"Girls, dinner's ready," Mrs. Carlin informed us as she walked into the living room. Spencer had somehow sensed her mother coming, because she turned to me with the same fake smile she greeted me with earlier, and pretended like we were in the middle of a lively conversation. I'm quite sure Mrs. Carlin knows absolutely nothing about what Spencer was up to while she was at school. Well, far be it for me to blow her cover. I matched her expression and body language right after I caught on to what she was doing.

"Oh, thanks Mom," Spencer exclaimed in a cheery voice I had never heard her use before. Was Mrs. Carlin really this stupid, or was she just that out of touch?

Anyway, I allowed myself to be herded towards the dining room, where I found dinner spread across the table. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and corn bread. How quiant.

I found myself seated between Mrs. Carlin and the boy who answered the door earlier, Spencer across from me. Next to her was a blond boy I hadn't met, yet, and on the end of the table opposite Mrs. Carlin was a dark haired man I could only assume was Mr. Carlin. Introductions were made, and I found out that the boy who answered the door was named Clay, the blond boy was Glen, and I was right in assuming the dark haired man was Mr. Carlin. Ten points for me.

After the introductions, I felt Clay and Mrs. Carlin grab one of my hands. A quick survey of the table showed me that everyone's heads were bowed. What was this? Were they praying? The Spencer I knew wasn't very religious. Have I stepped into the twilight zone?

In a few seconds, my thoughts were confirmed when Mrs. Carlin started speaking. "Dear God. We thank you for keeping us safe and together, and for providing us with this nourishment before us. We also thank you for the safe arrival of our friend here," I felt her give my hand a gentle squeeze. Well, at least Mrs. Carlin was nice. "In God's name we pray, Amen."

I muttered a soft 'amen' and pulled my hands back to my lap. That was quite possibly the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me.

Dinner was started without much fanfare after that. The meatloaf was actually pretty good. Spencer avoided eye contact with me as much as possible, and somehow, the rest of her family didn't catch that. Maybe they just didn't want to?

"So, Ashley, you're a music major, right?" Mr. Carlin asked me between bites of mashed potatoe.

"Um, yes sir," I managed to get out. "Concentration in voice."

"Oh, really?" Mrs. Carlin burst in, propping her head in her hands. "Please, sing something for us."

This woman was very in your face. So was I. I was beginning to worry about how well we'd be able to get along. At least this managed to get a rreaction out of Spencer. I noticed the sharp glance she shot at her mother before turning her face to indifference towards me. If I was looking for some kind of answer about what I should do in Spencer, I wasn't getting any. I didn't have anything prepared, but these people probably didn't know anything about music and would love it, anyway. Well, Glen probably wouldn't even hear it. His corn bread was much more interesting. I got the vague impression that he didn't like me very much.

"Um, well, I don't really have anything prepared," I tried explaining to Mrs. Carlin.

"Oh, that's okay," she beamed, hands waving wildly. "Just sing anything, I'm sure it'll be wonderful."

I sighed, admitting defeat. This woman wasn't going to let me off the hook. I wracked my brain, trying to think of something appropriate to sing for them. The first song that came to me was bound to be a big hit with Mrs. Carlin, but there was no way of telling what it would do to Spencer. I had to take the chance, though. There was nothing else coming to mind. Before I lost my nerve, I opened my mouth, and began to sing.

_I picture you in the sun, wondering what went wrong  
And falling down on your knees, asking for sympathy  
And being caught in between, all you wish for and all you see  
And trying to find anything you can feel, that you can believe in  
May God's love be with you  
Always  
I know I would apologize, if I could see your eyes  
Cause when you showed me myself, you know, I became someone else  
But I was caught in between, all you wished for and all you need  
I picture you fast asleep, a nightmare comes you can't keep away  
May God's love be with you  
Always  
Well I don't know anymore what it's for, I'm not even sure  
If there is anyone who is in the sun, won't you help me to understand  
Cause I've been caught in between, all I wish for and all I need  
Maybe you're not even sure, what it's for anymore like me  
May God's love be with you  
Always_

_Cause if I find  
If I find my way  
How much will I find?  
If I find  
If I find my way  
How much will I  
Find you  
You  
I'll find you_

"Oh, that was wonderful," Mrs. Carlin exclaimed while the rest of the family clapped haphazardly.

"Yeah, Ashley. That was really beautiful," came Spencer's cheery reply. I knew it was fake, and I knew I had made a mistake. I'd deal with the consequences later. She turned to her mother. "I'm not feeling very well, I think I'm going to lay down."

And then she got up from her seat, set her dishes in the sink, and trudged up the stairs, leaving me alone with her crazy family.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Spencer -

I made my way up to my room and sat on the bed, not really sure what my emotions were. Hearing her sing that song did a lot of different things to me. On one hand, I was furious that she would be alright with sharing that song with my mother, and thinking that she had a right to sing it in my presence this soon, anyway. On the other, I was touched that she had thought of it, and I couldn't remember a time when that song sounded more beautiful. She really was in the right field.

I reached under my mattress and my fingers groped for the object I knew was under there. Finally finding it, I pulled it out and smoothed the slight crumples of the photograph. Aiden had given it to me a while back. We were too caught up in what we were doing to know he had photographed us. I sat there, looking at the first kiss I shared with Ashley, the one Aiden practically forced us into. I laughed a little to myself as I noticed the fact that my tongue could be seen creeping into Ashley's mouth. I was so bold back then.

I heard the floorboards creak in the hall and footsteps stop outside my room. I shoved the picture under my pillow right before the door opened to reveal Ashley. We looked at each other for a long time, much like we did when she first showed up. She didn't take a step into my room, and I kind of liked that. It showed that she was willing to play by my rules. That's the only way I was going to play, anyway. "Well, are you coming in, or what?" I asked, growing tired of the staring contest.

She took a few steps into the room and closed the door behind her. "Look, I'm sorry about-"

"Don't," I interrupted her. I didn't want to hear any more apologies tonight. I was all sorried out.

Still she stood by the doorway, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. I couldn't get over how nervous she was. Was I really that scary?

"I can sleep on the floor if you want," she finally said.

The gesture was noble, and I probably should have accepted it. Unfortunately, I felt an unexplainable desire to be near her, and the thought of sharing a bed with ehr was both frightening and exciting at the same time. That was unexplainable in itself. We had shared a bed a countless number of times in the past. Hell, towards the end of the semester, I practically lived with her. Why should this feel so strange?

I shook my head at her. "That won't work. There's a guest in the house and Mom will be up extra early cooking breakfast, and she's bound to come wake us up. If she finds you on the floor, she'll guess something's wrong, and I don't really feel like going through the explanations with her. Do you?" Okay, so I lied. Big deal.

She turned out the light, and I waited for the mattress to shift with the added weight. I felt her sit down on the edge of the bed. "How much does she know?" Her voice sounded far away, and I could see through the faint light cast by the moon that she was facing away from me.

I sighed and layed down on my side of the bed. "Nothing at all."

"Oh," she replied before laying down next to me. There we were, on our backs staring at the ceiling, both of us stiff and afraid to move. The silence became too much for me. "I meant it, you know," I said, not tearing my eyes from the ceiling.

"Meant what?" she asked, maintaining her position.

"That it was beautiful."

And then we were quiet again, neither of us really sure what to say after that. After a while, I rolled onto my side, facing her, feigning sleep. In the dark, I felt safe. In the dark it felt okay for me to drap and arm around her waist like we used to. As long as it was in the dark, we were okay.

I felt her body stiffen under my arm, the relax. I fought off the smile that threatened my face when I felt her hand find mine and lace our fingers together. There were going to be questions in the morning, but I'd deal with that then.


	4. Chapter 4

**Review Section**

_Samy luvz Mandy: Spencer's falling for Ashley? We'll see about that._

_SpenceXAsh: Thank you so much. Your reviews always mean a lot._

_MistyRiver17: Hee, I've missed you. I'm so glad you're back._

_this-charming-man: Well, I never meant to make your face hurt. Should I massage it? Haha. I've missed you, too._

_mikachu: Nope. No evil Paula._

_Fallen Angel-2009: Should have, but didn't._

_justlikeyou: No, Paula will not discover them._

_ResonanceOfWisdom: Should I slow down on the updates?_

_free21: Yeah, the dark paragraph was one of my favorites, too._

_PJ4Eva: The song was mentioned a lot in In The Sun. It was the song Ashley played for Spencer the first day they met, and the lyrics were used in the last chapter. If you don't remember, the song is called "In The Sun" by Joseph Arthur._

**Author's Notes**

_Alright, so it's taken me a couple of days to get this one up. Sorry about that. I was trying to figure out the best order of events. Anyway, I'm thinking this fic won't be as long as In The Sun, which is weird, because I feel like I just started. Oh, well. We're about halfway through it, now. And I doubt we'll ever see evil Paula. I also made Glen 21. Why? Because it makes my life easier._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own the South Of Nowhere characters. They belong to Tom Lynch._

_**This chapter is dedicated Lindsey, because McDonald's knows just how loud heads can be.**_

**The Sun And The Moon**

**Chapter 4**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Ashley -

The sound of running water coming from the next room woke me up the next morning. I knew she wasn't there, but I kep my eyes closed, holding on to the lingering hope still within me as her scent drifted to my nostrils. I even ventured stretching my hand out to where I knew she had slept, but was met with only cold sheet. My hand continued to grope blindly, until it slipped under the pillow and came to rest upon a piece of paper.

I was immediately awake, eyes open, sitting up, staring at the object in my hands. I'd recognize that day anywhere. I remember what we were wearing. I was staring at a photo of tthe first time Spencer and I kissed. Wait. There was a photo of it? Why didn't I know about it?

Why does Spencer have it?

There was a knock on the door, and I hurriedly pushed the photo back to its hiding spot, deciding I'd do my best to forget about it. It was hidden, she obviously didn't want me to know about it. If she didn't want me to know about it, then I wasn't going to bring it up. I refuse to use anything against her.

The door opened, and Glen took a few steps into the room, closing the door gently after him. He stood in front of me, arms at his side, face set. I was officially scared. "I know what you did," he said.

What was I supposed to say to that? Which part did he know about? Did he know about everything, or only half of it? What the fuck was going on? "What do you mean?"

He leaned back against the desk behind him. "I know that you're the one who introduced her to coke. I know that it practically destroyed her life. I know how hard it was for her to come home and not have full access to it all the time. I know the Hell she went through trying to hide her withdrawl symptoms from our mother." I opened my mouth to speak, but he raised a hand, effectively silencing me. "So, all I want to know is what you think you're doing. Why are you here bringing all this shit back up?"

I looked at him for a few minutes, trying to gauge whether or not it was safe for me to talk. "Look," I started. "I'm sorry about everything I put her through. I never meant for that to happen, I tried to protect her from it."

"Protect her?" he butted in. "How is providing her with that shit protecting her?"

He had a point. I know he did. Yet, I still felt it necessary to justify myself. "She's a big girl, Glen. As much as I didn't want her to do it, I couldn't very well stop her. I love her, I never wanted her to go through all that."

I watched as his face faltered. "You love her?"

Oops.

Suddenly, everything else in the room seemed much more important than the subject at hand, and I think the fact that I couldn't meet his eyes told him everything he didn't need to know. I felt him come closer to me. "What aren't you telling me?" he asked, his voice slow and even.

I'm not telling you anything. Nope. It's not going to be me that outs Spencer, although I think I just did that. Well, I don't have to outright say it. "I... you'd have to ask her." There. I think I handled that well. Maybe.

As if on cue, the water from the next room turned off. Thank God, Spencer's out of the shower! I tried not to melt under Glen's glare as he left the room. Well, at least I lived through my first confrontation with a protective older brother. I don't think I made a good impression, though.

I sat and tried to calm my nerves, waiting for Spencer to come back, and preparing myself for round two of "Morning From Hell." I remembered how Spencer snuggled up to me in her sleep, and wondered if I should bring it up. Probably not. She probably didn't even remember it. It's not worth mentioning, probably just a fluke.

But, then again, there was that picture...

Shut up, head.

My thoughts were interrupted as the door opened and Spencer came in, wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I put on my best happy morning face and chirped, "Good morning."

She turned to look at me, eyebrow arched in question. "You were never a morning person."

I sighed and slumped my shoulders. Must she call me on everything?

She started rummaging around the room, trying to look like she was busy. "Glen and I are going to a party. You're coming, too."

"Really?" I asked, hesitantly, happy about the invitation, but still walking on eggshells with her.

She stopped going through the drawer she was looking through and set her hand on it, facing me. "Do you want to explain to my mother why you're not coming with me?"

Thus, all of my hopes were deflated. I really didn't seem to be making any progress here. "No, I guess not."

She seemed satisfied with that, because she went back to rummaging in her drawer. "We don't have to hang out once we get there, you just need to leave and come back with us."

That stung. I deserve it, though. I was stupid to think I'd have a better chance at fixing things away from her home. I was stupid for thinking I'd be able to make things better at all. I really should make my escape back to L.A. sometime soon. I wasn't wanted here. At least not outwardly.

But, maybe, just maybe if I stick around long enough...

There was no point thinking about it. She was as cold as ice. For all I knew, the picture was kept as a reminder of what she needed to stay away from. After this party, I would go back to L.A. as soon as possible.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Spencer -

This was killing me. That's all there was to it. It's not like I wanted to take stabs at Ashley, I just couldn't seem to help myself. In the back of my mind, I knew that she punished herself enough, and I honestly didn't know why I was acting this way around her.

I just get the feeling that it's not okay like it used to be. It's not okay for us to be like we were.

Okay, of course it's not okay. It was never okay that we were a couple of cokeheads. It's just that part of me remembers how I felt back then, and I have to wonder if what I want now is Ashley, or the memory of Ashley.

And that's where all this weird, crazy behavior comes in. I need to keep her at arms length, because I need her around to figure out what I feel, but I can't let her get too close. I just can't.

I'm afraid to think about what this is doing to her.

I've noticed the way she's been carrying herself. I've noticed the slight slump in her shoulders, and her smaller strides. I know that part of that is because she's in a new environment, but most of it's because of me. I've managed to turn her into a shadow of her old self. But, then there's a part of me that thinks it was the rehab center that did it. That's just my guilty conscience talking, though. I'm looking to lay the blame somewhere else.

And, really, in this whole issue between me and Ashley, does blame even come into play?

The ride to the party is tense. Even Glen seems tense, and he's almost always relaxed. I'll have to ask him about it later. He'll probably be okay once he gets some of that beer that's sitting in the backseat with Ashley in his system. That's right. He aids the juvenille delinquents and provides the alcohol when we go to these things. I don't think he minds much, though.

As soon as we get there, I leap out of the car, making my way to the overcrowded porch that's going to break one of these days. I make my way through the smoke and ask a few of them who all's here tonight. No, I'm not looking for coke, anymore, but it's always nice to be warned when the shit's around. Sure enough, the kids I used to get it from are here tonight, and I can almost promise you that they'll try to get me to snort. It's not going to happen.

Ashley and Glen brush past me, carrying the beer into the trailer as I stand there talking to these kids. By now they know that Glen is my brother, but they've never seen Ashley before, and I catch one of the more greasy boys checking her out. I feel a sudden pang of jealousy, but fight it back, reminding myself that I have no claim on her, anymore.

I follow Glen and Ashley shortly after, weaving my way through stoned bodies into the house, my sense of smell flooded with the scent of weed, alcohol, and vomit. I wonder where the parents are, but a quick look around me tells me that we're in the white trash neighborhood, and the parents probably don't care. What else is new?

Nine Inch Nails pulses through the thin walls, and for a moment I'm concerned that the cops might get called. Then again, the cops have been called numerous times at these things, and everyone just winds up moving the party down to the lake. Ashley and I never had to worry too much about the law back in school. We were a lot smarter about the way we did things.

I feel her eyes on me from somewhere to my right, and I turn my head to find her standing in the corner. Some kid has brought a cheap multi-colored globe light, and I'm strangely entranced by the way the different colors light her face.

I need to get high tonight.

I find Glen over by the beer and take my own can, taking a large swallow, forcing the cheap booze down my throat. "Are you okay?" I ask him, when he's finished chugging the one in his hand.

"Yeah, I'm alright," he said, glancing over my shoulder in Ashley's direction. That must be what's wrong. I know he doesn't like her, but at least in the crowd he can forget she exists.

"Don't worry about her, Glen," I reassure him, putting a hand on his arm. As much as part of me wants to defend her, the other part is equally loyal to my brother. I just don't want a scene tonight. "Are we smoking tonight?" I ask, hoping the weed will mellow him out.

He seemed to relax after I mentioned it. "Yeah," he said, pointing his can in the direction of a room at the end of the house. "Come on."

We weaved our way through the people and made it to a familiar room. Glen poked his head in first, showing them it was only him and not someone who could get them in trouble. After they allowed us entry, Glen made his way over to Dave, the main dealer, and hugged him in that hand clapping way men have.

Soon after, I was sitting in a circle of high school kids, stoned for the first time in weeks. It felt good, and calm, and I was very glad I had suggested it to Glen.

My realm of happiness exploded when Glen started talking, though. "Ashley told me something interesting today. She told me that she loved you." I looked around at the kids in the room, all paying close attention. I decided that I didn't really care, as Glen continued on. "At first I thought it was just one sided, but then she told me to ask you. So, I am."

I was immediately sobered up. "Does it really matter?" I did not want to get into this tonight. I had wanted to get high and forget.

"Yes, it does. Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with homosexuality, I have a lot of gay friends at college. But, homosexuality in our family? What would Mom say?"

I stood up, getting ready to leave. "Last time I checked, I was an adult, and Mom didn't have a right to say anything. Neither do you."

I reached my hand for the doorknob, but he grabbed a hold of my arm first, standing up as he did so. "Look, I know that. It's just that it's going to cause a tear between you and Mom, and you'll lose her."

I looked him square in the eye, forgetting that this was about Ashley, and focusing on the fight about homosexuality. "So, what? You want me to hide forever?" Yeah, I came out to him. What did it matter at this point?

"Not forever," he said, shaking his head. "Just until you have someone worth losing her over. Ashley's not it."

Again, I was filled with a need to defend Ashley. I gave a slight chuckle and shook my head. "You don't even know her," I said, and then I was gone.

When I made it back out to the main room, Ashley was gone. I don't know why I was looking for her, but something told me I needed to see her. Maybe I just needed to reaffirm that she was here and real. Thinking that she might have stepped outside for a smoke break, I stepped into the warm summer air, nearly choking on the second hand smoke on the porch. I couldn't find her there, either.

I asked a few people inside if they had seen her, starting to get a little freaked out. "Yeah," some kid told me. "I saw her go back in that room over there," he pointed to another room on the opposite end of the house from the one I smoked in. I was very familiar with that room.

She wouldn't, would she? She wouldn't throw away all the progress she's made.

As quick as my legs could carry me, I made my way to the room in question. With a deep breath, I grabbed the doorknob, and swung the door open. "Oh, shits," were heard and, "Cover the shit up." And then I heard, "Oh, it's just Spencer. She's cool guys." I heard all of that before I saw what was in the room, but I already knew. Inside the room was a small group of kids around a mirror with white strands of coke spread out.

And sitting right in front of me, with a rolled up dollar in her hand, was Ashley.


	5. Chapter 5

**Review Section**

_PJ4Eva: Who said anything about her throwing it all away?_

_mikachu: I surprisingly like Glen in this story._

_BROOKLYNDEB: I do not hate Ashley._

_free21: Well, Spencer sure feels something._

**Author's Notes**

_Question: Did you really think I was going to let Ashley go back to her evil ways? Come on, now, you have to know me better than that by now. This chapter is why we've hit the M rating._

_**This chapter is dedicated to Megan, because angry sex just needs to be dedicated.**_

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own the South Of Nowhere characters. They belong to Tom Lynch._

**The Sun And The Moon**

**Chapter 5**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Ashley -

The world stopped.

When Spencer stepped through that door and saw me, I'm quite sure the world stopped spinning. I glanced down at the dollar bill in my hand. Oh, shit. This looks really bad.

This actually wasn't as bad as it looked. I mean, sure, they were all trying to get me to snort with them, but I told them no. I was just hanging out with them, and I was about to pass on the dollar to the next person in line. I never did any, and I never had any intention of it.

Spencer doesn't know that, though.

And, then, before I could say anything, she was gone. She fled from the doorway with such a look of betrayal on her face, that I almost didn't get up and go after her. Almost. "Spencer!" I called after her, not willing to let her get away from me that easily. Calling her name only made her walk faster, though, and as someone was coming out of the bathroom, she slipped in, angering the line of people waiting outside.

Somehow, I managed to slip my arm in before she closed the door. Dangerous, yes. Did I care? Absolutely not. I was willing to lose an arm for her. She fought hard, but I finally managed to push past her and made my way into the tiny room, squinting as the florescent lights hit my face. I pressed my back against the door and locked it, trying everything I knew to block her escape.

"Get out of my way, Ashley," she growled, voice lower than I had ever heard it.

I was scared, I admit, but I wasn't going to let her out. "No," I said. "Not until you listen to me."

"Listen to what?" she asked, claws and teeth still bared. "Listen to you try to rationalize how much you needed it?"

"No," I said, voice steady. "You're supposed to listen to me tell you that it wasn't what it looks like. I didn't do any, and I wasn't going to. I was just passing the straw to the next person."

"Oh, so I'm supposed to listen to you lying to me!" she practically yelled, arms flailing.

Okay, now I'm a lot of things, but there are three things I am not; a cheater, a stealer, and a liar, and Spencer knows that. She knows how I feel about people who lie and how senesitive I am to them. Why in the hell would she throw that at me? "Spencer, I know that you're familiar with all the emotional pain I went through, but when I OD'ed, do you even realize how physically painful it was? Why would I put myself through that, again?" I pronounced the last word slowly, trying to get my meaning across.

She sat down on the toilet, shaking her head as if trying to sort out her thoughts. Hell, she probably was. "You took up smoking. Maybe you have a death wish."

I took out my pack of Marlboros and threw them at her feet. I was one of the few smokers who wasn't addicted to them. I was starting to get pissed, and I wasn't sure what my mouth would say. I guess I was about to find out. "You know what? I give up," her head snapped up at this. Oh, yeah, now I get a rise out of her. "I have dropped everything to come here and try and make things right with you, and you have been nothing but cold to me." I felt my voice cracking, but I refused to stop now. "Would it kill you cut me some slack and meet me, I don't know, even a quarter of the way? I know what I did, Spencer, and I can never take it back, as much as I wish I could. But, this," I said, motioning between us. "Is killing me. I can't make things better unless you let me. Jesus Christ, Spence, what do you want?"

Have you ever done something you know you shouldn't, but you were powerless to stop it?

Suddenly, I was pressed against the door and Spencer's lips were devouring mine. My breath got caught somewhere in my throat, and I was quite sure she was trying to kill me. This was it. I couldn't breathe. I was going to die.

And then, just as suddenly as my breath was ripped from me, it was given back as I felt teeth bite into my neck, and rough fingers pulling at the buttons my pants.

Oh, no. She was not going to get me that easily. She needs this for some way to feel. I know she needs to feel like she's in control of something, and she's running from some kind of numbness. I get that. But, I'm not going to be her rag doll. I wrap my fingers around her wrists, nails digging at her skin, and pry her hands away from my waist, taking a few steps forward and pinning her against the opposite wall.

She bites down hard on my shoulder, and I bite back a scream as I feel the blood trickle down my collarbone. She's quick to lap it up. I'm thrown back again and my back is pressed uncomfortably against the counter, hands snaking their way into my pants again.

Fingernails are scraping against me in the most painful ways as I let her have what she wants. My thoughts return to the thought of her trying to kill me as she drives into me with more force than her small body should allow. It's painful, and not at all like how we used to be together.

Shameful tears leak down my face as my body slumps onto her after my orgasm. With a gentleness she's yet to show me, she lowers me down to the linoleum and wipes away my tears, smoothing the hair out of my face. I try to speak, but nothing come out.

And, then she's standing, and heading out the door, leaving my in a heap on the floor.

The tears come harder, now.

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Spencer -

I walk through the trailer, out onto the porch, down the stairs and into the woods nearby, somehow void of feeling. I check my watch and see that I can't be out her very long. Glen's going to want to go home, soon. Then again, he won't be able to drive, and I'm going to be the one to do it. He'll leave when I'm good and ready.

That means I eventually have to find Ashley, though.

The thought's not nearly as scary as I thought it would be.

The wind picks up, and it's cold enough for me to shiver. No. Maybe it's not the cold. Maybe it's the realization of what I've just done and its implications.

She couldn't just leave things alone, could she? She couldn't just stay in L.A. and wait for me to come back before dealing with all of this. That would have made too much sense. Instead, she opted for coming here unannounced and turning my entire world upside down, just like she did when we were at school.

The thing is, I saw who she used to be tonight. The woman that doesn't take crap from people came back, and I couldn't help myself. I wanted to stay with her, but I couldn't. She had a point, and I needed time to think.

I know that she didn't do any coke tonight. I know that, I believe it. I just needed SOMETHING that would let me go off. I needed something that would allow me interaction with her that didn't mean I was falling again.

Is "again" even the right word to use?

Things are more jumbled up now then they were before, but at least I got to touch her. I forgot how much I missed that, and how good she tasted.

This has probably done more damage to her then it did to me, both physically and emotionally. I got a little out of hand back there, but I don't regret it. Well, I don't regret getting rough. She needed to feel everything I've been bottling up.

There was probably a better way for her to do that, though. If I had just started talking from the beginning, it wouldn't have come to this. Now, it's this painful thorn in my side that I can't seem to dig out.

I walk back to the party and find her on the couch. I try to get her up on her own, try to get her to the car, but she's too exhausted to move. I pull her up, and wrap her arm around my shoulder, walking her out to the car and setting her in the backseat. "Spencer," she whispers.

"No," I say. "We'll talk, later." Though, I don't really mean it.

I go back into the house to find Glen waisted and breaking boards over some random guy's head. Surprisingly, it doesn't take much to pull him away from his little game and drag him out to the car.

It's time to go home.


	6. Chapter 6

**Review Section**

_Sugar K. Belles: Of course I am continuing. You don't need to worry about that._

_Justlikeyou: Yes, rough Spencer is unique, but you have to keep in mind what I've put her through. I never would have made her do that if I hadn't put her through so much shit. Because without the shit, I don't think she would have done that._

_DushkusBitch: One, I love your name. Two, yes, the conversation is interesting, to say the least, and I'm really glad you like my work. It means a lot._

_MistyRiver17: I STILL LOVE YOU! My story has missed your reviews. But, it's happy you have been reading it._

_Iwasbaffled: Yes, they seem to have lots of wounds. That tends to happen in this kind of situation._

_Samy luvz Mandy: No, she did not rape Ashley. Read: "I finally let her have what she wanted." meaning Ashley let her do it, because she felt that it was what Spencer needed at the time._

_Dthstlkr69: I feel the same way about sequels._

_Sp0rtigirl: Speechless works for me._

_ResonanceOfWisdom: It's good to know I've kept the story real. I'm always afraid I'm going a little over the top._

_Free21: Darkness is my friend._

_SpenceXAsh: Spencer's not a raging bitch, she just has issues to work out. I still think you're awesome. That has yet to change._

_PJ4Eva: Please try to keep in mind Spencer's conflicting thoughts with wanting to get closer to Ashley and wanting to push her away._

_BROOKLYNDEB: Yes, they do deserve it._

**Author's Notes**

_And now I've reached a point where I'm not even sure where I'm going anymore. I know the point that I have to make, I'm just not sure how I'm going to do it from here on out. But, at least we find out Spencer's motives in this chapter. We're coming to the closing in the next few chapters, but there's so much needing to be said, and that's the hardest part of writing this fic._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own the South Of Nowhere characters. They belong to Tom Lynch._

_**This chapter is dedicated to pegleg, because I love her so much that she needs her own chapter.**_

**The Sun And The Moon**

**Chapter 6**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Ashley -

I stood in front of the mirror in Spencer's bathroom, letting the water run, and running my fingers across the bite mark on my shoulder. It was deeper than I thought it was, and there were purple and black bruises forming that would only get worse. It wasn't even a clean bite. At closer look, you could make out tiny pieces of dead flesh clinging for life to the rest of my body.

I was definitely going to be sore in the morning.

I couldn't blame her, though. That's what happens when you let everything sit and fester inside of you. Eventually, it'll boil over, and the result won't be pretty.

Maybe that clinic did teach me something.

I cupped my hands under the faucet and brought the cool water to my face, letting it drip off my lips and chin freely. Glancing back up to the mirror, I realized that I looked like shit, but somewhere on the inside I felt more alive since I came here. All this time, I've gotten nothing from Spencer. At least this was something.

I return to Spencer's bedroom only to find her sleeping. Well, pretending to sleep, anyway. I could tell from her furrowed brow, and tightened muscles that she was awake. Sure, she could have been asleep and having a bad dream, but somehow, I knew that wasn't the case.

"Spencer," I say, walking across the room and standing at the end of the bed, my voice somehow calm and forceful at the same time. Spencer didn't move, and it looked like she didn't even breathe. Fuck this shit. "Spencer," I say a little louder, fully prepared to scream and wake up the entire house if I needed to.

She mumbles and pushes her hand in my direction, waving me off. Oh, no, bitch. We're not playing that game. I grab the offensive hand and give it a tight squeeze, pulling back on her pinkie slightly.

I can't help but smirk when she yelps in pain. What is going on with me? Yesterday, I wouldn't even attempt this. I guess the little scene in the bathroom knocked some of my old fight back into me. I hate being used, and walked over, and I wasn't about to let Spencer keep doing it. "Jesus Christ, Ashley, what are you doing?" she asked, sitting up and nursing her pinkie.

"Waking you up," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. "You said we'd talk."

She slumped back down on the bed, writing me off. "Not tonight, I'm tired."

What was this? Was she trying to dodge the conversation? This was not negotiable. "Yeah, and my shoulder's in a lot of pain. We're going to talk, anyway."

I saw a grimace and found perverse pleasure in the fact that she felt bad about it. "What Ashley? What is so important that it couldn't wait until tomorrow?"

"What was that back at the party?" I said, getting to the point. No sense in dancing around it like she wants to.

"Nothing," she said, burying her face in the pillow.

"Liar."

"How would you know?" she asked, voice muffled by her pillow.

How would I know? Because you're not the kind of person to pull something like that without it meaning something. The fact that you can't look at me while you say it is another give away. "Look at me and tell me it was nothing."

She sat up and looked me directly in the eye, rage burning beneath her blue orbs. "Why? What are you trying to get out of this? What useful purpose does any of this serve?"

Now we were getting somewhere. She was starting to get riled up, and emotional. I was much less afraid of emotional Spencer than I was of cold Spencer. "I saw the product of keeping your thoughts inside tonight. I don't intend on going through that again."

"Nothing's wrong with me, I'm fine," she mumbled.

It was then that I realized she had managed to successfully evade the question. "Tell me it meant nothing." I had to bite back a laugh as her face turned down to her sheets. "You can't. Because it did mean something. It's the same reason you've got that picture of us under your pillow." Her eyes got wide at this. "Oh, yeah, I've seen it. I found it by mistake when I woke up. I'd recognize that day anywhere. That was the first time you kissed me. So, tell me it meant nothing, and if you do, then tell me why you have that picture, because the two don't add up."

She stood up from the bed, approaching me, and coming so close that I was forced to back up. "I keep that picture because it was the first time I fell in love. I want to remember that feeling."

"You don't need a picture for that," I said. "I remember the first time I fell in love perfectly." It was true, too. Everything about that moment was etched in my brain. "It was late January, and I was sitting on a bench outside of the campus apartments, peeling the paint off with my fingernails. This girl walked up to me, hands in her pockets, wearing a navy shirt underneath a white, half zipped sweater. We were supposed to study together, but she didn't bring her books, claiming she didn't see me as the studying type. When we were outside of my room, the girl looked into the hills, and told me the daffodils are stupid."

"You remember all of that?" she asked, looking at me like she hadn't seen me in years.

"Of course," I said, calmly. "I want to remember the feeling."

"I remember the day I fell out of love." I was surprised at the turn of conversation, but decided to listen, anyway. At least she was talking to me. "It was in that hospital room, when I saw what was really going on, with both of us."

Both of us. That was the key. It meant that she didn't just blame me. "I'd like to say that I never fell out of love, but I'd be lying. I fell out of the love the second the first particle of coke ever hit your system."

She didn't look surprised, and somehow, I knew she wouldn't be. "Why then?"

"Because I wanted to protect you from that," I said, with complete honesty.

"I'm a big girl."

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter. You want to protect what you love, right?"

If someone asked me to define the precise moment when this became a calm, civil conversation, I wouldn't be able to tell them. A few minutes ago we were yelling at each other, and now we were telling each other truths that needed to be said. "If you didn't love me then, why did you sleep with me?"

I searched her eyes, relief flooding my senses when I found them void of hurt. "I wanted to get back to that place. I thought it would help."

"Did it? Did you get back to that place?" she asked.

I sighed, knowing full well that sex did nothing but make me feel worse about what I was doing. "Not then, no. I fell in love for a second time yesterday, when I was standing on a strange doorstep in some small town I've never heard of." It was weird to think that I had only been here a day. Would things have happened this fast if I had waited until we were back at school. Probably not, she probably would have just avoided me. "And the door opened, and a few minutes later, the girl I was in love with came walking down the stairs, looking healthier than I had seen her in months. That's when I got back to that place."

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Spencer -

And then my lips were on hers. Not in the rough, possessive way they were earlier tonight, but in a soft, tentative way. And then she was kissing me back, and I don't know how it happened.

I think it was the new knowledge I had that brought me to kiss her. The fact that she never wanted that life for me, and that she loved me when I was healthy was warming. It reminded me what attracted me to her in the first place. When she's sober, she's so incredibly warm.

She pulled away from me and furrowed her brow, a question on her lips. "Don't," I said. "I don't have an answer right now. I just needed to hear all of that."

"I've been trying to tell you since I got here," she explained.

I winced, knowing that I've been unfair to her. "I know. I'm sorry. It's just hard. I was so hurt, even though it wasn't your fault, but I couldn't stop blaming you..."

"Ssh," she mumbled, pulling me into her and wrapping me in her arms, resting her chin on my head, rocking our bodies slowly back and forth. "It's okay."

I buried my face in her chest, and felt the cloth dampen, telling me that I was crying. "I was so afraid," I said, after several minutes of crying, finally admitting the truth I've been trying to hide. Not only was I afraid when Ashley Oded, but I was afraid that I'd fall for her again when she came back, and we'd fall down the same spiral. It all came down to fear, really, and I hadn't realized it until this moment. I realized that I was still afraid of us returning to the same path. "I still am."

I felt her press her lips to my forehead, and I almost swooned from the shock it sent through my body that's been absent since that day in the hospital. "I know, Spence. We don't have to figure this out tonight. Let's just get some sleep."

I looked up into her eyes, seeing a light mist of unshed tears there, and I nodded, letting her take my hand and lead me to the bed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Review Section**

_BlackRoseOnFire: Oh, the things I have to say to you. I have been reading each of your reviews, and while I have enjoyed them, I can't help but feel that you don't get the point. Let's start with the Spencer smoking thing, and you telling me you don't see her doing that. One, she's in a place where she doesn't know anybody. Two, it was never said she did it just because everyone else was doing it. Three, it was even said that she's not opposed to pot. Now, let's talk about Ashley blowing Dallas for coke. You don't see that happening, either? I have to laugh here, and ask, "Have you ever been around an addiction such as this?" If the answer is "no," I suggest you go talk to people who have dealt with that. As far as Spencer needing to lighten up on Ashley in this fic, I have yet another question for you. "If the person you loved almost died of a cocaine overdose, how would you react to them showing up at your doorstep out of nowhere?" People tend to need a bit of time to get over something like that. Spencer's reaction was what pretty close to what anyone would have done. Now, I don't normally defend my fics, but your remarks were so off the wall that I decided to give you a little bit of my time. Feel special._

_Sdny: Here's the next chapter. Sorry to keep you waiting._

_DreadGRL: Yes, I'm back, but I'm not staying. Sorry._

_HornyOffBars: I am extremely flattered that this one is your favorite._

_MistyRiver17: I just want to hug you._

_SD: Come on, haven't you learned anything? Addiction is bad._

_Mikachu: I'm glad we've gotten to the talking, too._

_Sugar K. Belles: The Spencer's family finding out thing is over done, and I decided to bypass it._

_Samy luvz Mandy: I love you, too. Here's the next chapter._

_Rock0rules: I'm glad you caught on to everything. And, yes, I find the undying love professions too played out._

_Find the fun: You get ten points for the use of "enthralled."_

_free21: Healing is never a bad thing._

_BROOKLYNDEB: Yes, it was sweet._

_ResonanceOfWisdom: Intense is my middle name. Okay, so it's Michelle, but I wish it were intense._

_SpenceXAsh: I'm not amazing. That would be you._

_Sp0rtigirl: Truth is always a good thing._

**Author's Notes**

_Alright, so I'm sorry this has taken me so long. There have been a lot of things happening in my life, and I was pulled away from this place for a while. I also hit a point in the story where I wasn't sure if I should throw more stuff in, or go ahead and end it. I opted for ending it. So, this is it guys. The final chapter. Yes, it's short, but it's really just to wrap things up. Really, I thought about leaving it the way it was. I will be taking a break from ALL fanfiction writing for a while, but for those of you on the Spashley boards, I will continue to update my original work._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own the South Of Nowhere characters. They belong to Tom Lynch. The song used in this chapter is called "The Sun And The Moon" and the artist is Mae._

**The Sun And The Moon**

**Chapter 7**

**By Persephone's Nautical Nun**

- Ashley -

It's hard to say, really, what happened over the rest of the summer. Spencer was still keeping me a small distance away from her, but she wasn't shutting me out the way she was when I first showed up.

Needless to say, I decided not to go back to L.A.

The Carlins were gracious enough to let me stay the whole summer, but of course, I payed for my own stuff, and helped them with the groceries. I wasn't about to be a freeloader. Mrs. Carlin is still kind of creepy, but she's backed off as the summer progressed, and even Glen's starting to warm up to me.

I actually got along really well with Clay. I managed to sympathize with his tragic situation, though it's really not all that tragic, if you consider the fact that the Carlins really are good people. I'm really glad I've met them all.

Ever since that night from the party, things have made sense with Spencer. I understood why she did the things that she did, and I understood why she kept shutting me out. I think if I had waited any longer to have that conversation, if I hadn't pushed her to talk to me that night, then it probably would have been too late.

I went for a lot of walks. I hadn't been on many walks since the beginning of the Spring semester, and it felt good to get out and feel my legs moving again.

During one of my random wanderings about the town, I came across a small piano shop, and fell in love with it immediately. The owner was nice enough, and knew what she was doing. She let me go in and play on some of her pianos every once in a while, even though I only had a year of training under my belt. I'm pretty sure I was a welcome thing, though, after hours of little kids coming in and playing "Chopsticks."

---South-Of-Nowhere---

- Spencer -

I'll never forget the day that Ashley came barging into my room, grabbed my hand, and led me out the door without a word. There I was, being pulled along the streets of the town I grew up in, not knowing where I was heading.

I hardly had time to stop catch my breath when she stopped in front of the music store before she pulled me through the door, bell ringing as we entered, cool air hitting my face in stark contrast to the heat outside.

"Um, Ashley," I said, as she dragged me to a baby grand near the back. "I'm well aware this place is here. I did grow up here, after all."

She let go of my hand and looked at me, head cocked, eyebrow arched as if she had no clue what I was talking about. She shook her head to clear out her thoughts, seeming to be distracted by something. "What? No, that's not... I mean..." She sighed in frustration. "Just stand there," she said, holding her hand out like I was a dog who might run away at any moment. Hell, I just might have, she was acting a bit strange.

I watched as she sat down on the piano bench and poised her fingers over the keys, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself. In the time that I had known Ashley, the only thing she's ever performed for me was the song she sang to my entire family, and that was really more for my mother than anything.

She seemed nervous before, but as soon as she started playing the simple chords, she calmed down and fell into her element. The song wasn't all that difficult, but she hadn't had much piano training, so it was really, very good.

It was when she started to sing, though, that really caught my attention. It was as if she had figured out a way to tell our story through song.

_Wasted time  
I cannot say that I was ready for this  
But, when worlds collide  
And all that I have  
Is all that I want  
The words seem to flow  
And the thoughts, they keep running  
And all that I have is yours  
And all that I am is yours_

It was true. I wasn't ready when everything happened. I wasn't ready when I met her, and I wasn't ready when she came knocking on my door. And, yet, at the same time, I couldn't have imagined my life without her and everything that had happened.

_Painted skies  
I've seen so many that cannot compare  
To your ocean eyes  
The pictures you took  
That cover your room  
And it was just like the sun  
But more like the moon  
A light that can reach it all  
So now I'm branded for taking the fall_

And it was that moment, that I began to feel the last of my walls come down. Because I realized then that I had marked her the bad guy, and it wasn't all her fault. I was so wrong and selfish to brand her that way. My eyes traveled to her exposed shoulder, where a small mark still showed from where I had bitten her.

_So when you say forever  
Can't you see?  
You've already captured me_

When she finished playing, she continued to sit there, looking up at me, as if waiting for a reaction. Everything came crashing in at that moment. If someone were to ask me the exact moment when I fell in love the second time, it would be here, standing in this old piano shop, looking down at Ashley.

I didn't know what was coming, and I was still afraid of what might happen once we got back to school, but at that moment, I didn't care.


End file.
